query monkey

with apologies to jonathan coulton

query monkey get up get hot tea*
query monkey go to job
have boring meeting with boring manager** Jennifer
Jennifer say query monkey very diligent
but his output stink
his rejection letters not functional or elegant
what do query monkey think
query monkey think maybe manager want to read goddamn manuscripts herself
query monkey not say it out loud
query monkey not crazy just proud

*preferred in this office to coffee — or if it’s evening, then the drink would be single malt
**made worse by the fact that I apparently play the role of both query monkey -and- manager in this scene

blame goes to jimbutcher (who introduced me to the song via youtube), mcurry (because it’s really his tendecy to rip off these things) and matociquala + truepenny (who encouraged me last night to go ahead and post this)

this has been an exceedingly crunchy week so far but I’ve already squeezed in about 90 queries (still more to go!), and working on scheduling for RWA as well as all the usual things (e.g. marketing, correspondence, etc.) which isn’t leaving much time for my journal. hence, filking of a sort…. (though I’m not very good at it — I think letterz from teh query warz – lolcat version was a better attempt at a send-up)

14 responses to “query monkey

  1. and to think I had just exorcised that song from my head last week!
    *headdesk*

  2. I find it astonishing that you can do any filking after all the query monekying.
    Tea > Coffee.

  3. I was entertained. Now, can you tap dance while you answer queries? 😉
    Seriously, though, I recently started reading queries for Jenny Rappaport. (Doing it for two weeks only and I’m halfway through, thank goodness!) I never understood how tough it was, but I DO now! *sends chocolate and lots of alcohol*

  4. I love that song. Now I’ll probably have it stuck in my head all day. Again.

  5. Yes. Everyone in my house has had that song memorized for months. We randomly break into song. It’s kind of like a musical, really. Except without anyone able to carry a tune.

  6. I think query wars a la Eddie Izzard would be awesome:
    When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, “Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?” And he took me aside and he said, “What d’ya wanna do, kid? What do you wanna do with your life? Tell me your dreams!”
    So I said, “I wanna be a WRITER! And write about outer space and write about discovering things that no one’s ever discovered before!”
    He said, “Look, you’re British, so scale it down a bit.”
    “All right, then I wanna work as an EDITOR! And discover grammatical errors that no-one’s ever discovered! Right at the back of the shop on the left …”
    He said, “Look, you’re British, so scale it down a bit!”
    “All right, then I wanna work as an AGENT. And swim through the depths of slush that no-one’s ever discovered before. I’ll pile it on my head, then come to the surface and sell it to an EDITOR as art.”

  7. It is astounding how many YouTube videos there are of that song! My favorite is the one where a girl named Emily dances the story line, but I like some of the animated ones, too.

  8. I think I’m lucky I don’t now that song… >_>

  9. My boyfriend dragged me to see Jonathan Coulton live at the House of Blues. It was pretty awesome.

  10. I’m wondering how this would read if composed by a certain intern of a certain literary agent….

  11. This is made of awesome. The source material? Awesome. This version? Also awesome.

  12. DAMN YOU!!! I had that song stuck in my head for a month when Anne Groell first introduced me to it…
    ::: goes off looking for Youtube video of Brady Bunch theme song :::

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