letterz from teh query warz – lolcat version

# ov queriez read dis week: 130
# ov partials requestd: 2
genrez ov partials requestd: mystery (1), YA (1)

A new ting dat IM seeing moar ov: embeddd linkz wif an invitashun 2 click thru online 2 sum unknown siet an read teh query – DO NOT WANT. (IM gonna not click on embeddd linkz. IM gonna not open unsolicitd attachments.)

I wuz goin 2 read ur 395K romance manuscript, but I ated it. Luckily, I also has choice of 315K womens ficshun manuscript. Wut iz going on wif thees lengths lately?

I can has “fictional novel” nao? Oh, sigh. It doez not exist. (Akshully, IM wonderin wer dis frase came frum cus it didn’t seem 2 pop up until jus a few months ago.)

Mah Favorite: Teh Query in 20 point font – pink – wif cartoon kats.

Oh hai…. wut he sed.

i can has comicon nao?


39 responses to “letterz from teh query warz – lolcat version

  1. Oh noes!
    I are slain!!!

  2. ‘Mah Favorite: Teh Query in 20 point font – pink – wif cartoon kats.’ If it was written in lolcat style, I’ll bet you requested a partial! 🙂
    Thanks for the smile this morning.
    Really, though – 20 point, pink?

  3. lmao Thanks
    So… Wez qweriz in lol foar parial rqwest?

  4. I wuz goin 2 read ur 395K romance manuscript, but I ated it. Luckily, I also has choice of 315K womens ficshun manuscript.
    Dead now, thank you. I can’t imagine printing those monsters. Or reading. The novel that never ends! (Ever.) *shudder*

  5. So wait – if I send you an e-mail in 20-point pink font with an embedded link telling you to click through to find my query letter for my 400K fictional novel AND there are animated gifs of kitties, you’re not going to read it?

  6. *puts the pink paper back into the drawer*
    Signs that the Query War Cycle has taken it’s toll.
    Best agent post eVaR!

  7. Ha! Okay, it’s funny once but if you continue to post like this I will stab myself in the eye.

  8. LOL. I love it! :*) Too funny. Thanks for making me smile on this very stressful Friday.

  9. I can has “fictional novel” nao? Oh, sigh. It doez not exist.
    Hee hee! This was a lovely way to start my Friday morning!

  10. Okay, I attempted to read that, but gave up within a few lines for it gave me a headache. I couldn’t imagine reading an entire book like that….

  11. You hurt my brain, and I died laughing. You have telent, oh my yes.
    What a way to end the week. Many thanks. 😉

  12. …What about a 400k novel written in LOLcat speak?
    The horror.

  13. *laughs out loud* You are a FREAK. the best kind of freak. Funny funny agent! 🙂

  14. *snork* Well, THAT was unexpected. Well done! I am going to spend the next month now imagining every agent I query as a cat riffling through my pages, and every rejection as DO NOT WANT! 😉

  15. Best Query Wars post ev-ah! 🙂 Thank you for masking the aftershock from the earthquake (here in flipping Illinois!) by making me shake with laughter.
    I actually created a cat macro query a couple of months ago for the amusement of a faction of my test readers who are particularly fond of lolcats. I recently posted it in my blog.

  16. Obviously you read too many queries at once; they’ve driven you squirrelly! Or lolcatty…

  17. HA HA HA HA!!!!
    OMG – you have gone query-mad!
    As for “fictional novel” – I’ve seen that a lot in queries, but I’ve also seen people use it on writer’s forums for years. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Argh.

    • So…you mean, you don’t want me to send you my fictional novel memoir entitled Mexican Girl Scout in the Bronx? It’s a story about me…my hispanic heritage, and being a Girl Scout in the Boogie-Down. 😛

    • Maybe these folks are marketing imaginary novels– manuscripts they tell their friends they’ve written that don’t actually exist…
      Those would be fictional novels, right?

  18. wow… you got some mad pwnage skilz!

  19. *splorfle*
    Love you madly, my dear.

  20. I have no words. This was awesome.
    Loquacious Me

  21. My fikshinul novel. Let me show you it.
    Heh heh heh. As for ‘fictional novel’ — to be fair, it could be due to the proliferation of fictional memoirs. So by saying ‘fictional novel’ folks are admitting that it is made up and that they are not claiming otherwise.

  22. You are the coolest agent evar. 🙂

  23. What I want to know is how long and painful the process was for you to compose such a riotous post?

  24. Ohai Jennifer!
    I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and loving the insights you provide here of the publishing business. Thank you so much 🙂

  25. Wai u has a comicon…
    …when u can has a Dragon*Con? U can has cheezburger der. And all your base will belong to you, so ur base safe from ppl in ur base killin ur d00dz. W00t!
    (Awesome LOL!speak post!)

  26. i haz hurd ‘fikshun novil’ fur minneee yeerz frum aspyring wryturz…it alwuz graytz awn mi nurvz.
    be gud lol.ajint an yoo too kan haz fikshun novil tew reprezent!

  27. i like this a lot.

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