Yar.
Avast.
Walk the plank!
I’ll be acceptin’ more publishing questions in comments (and working on an entry about submissions timing per Miss Manners instructions), but only if ye phrase them in pirate-talk, ye scalawags. (Or if ye’ve got no questions, ye can simply contribute something pirate-y.)
Why is the rum always gone?
Et in arcaedia, ego. 
Argh. I have a question for ya, I been a-searchin’ all over the internets and not found an answer.
When I’m a-sendin’ a query, a SASE is all fine and proper. But if some fine agent such as yerself asks for me manuscript, what do I send along to get me papers back? I’m talkin’ bout over five-hunert double-spaced pages here. I can’t exactly throw some lil stamps on a manilla envelope thar and expect the ol’ manuscript to fit. Maybe ’tis easier to just tell the agent to recycle my manuscript when they’re done? Or does that just tell’em all me hard work is worthless?
Thank ye for yer time!
Arrr, matey… Many a sailor has decided that ’tis less dear to send fresh pages. If ye’d rather keep yer doubloons fer yerself, you might go that route and just enclose an SASE for reply. Not one honorable pirate captain on the high literary seas will value yer work any less for that. Remember, the real treasure is in the words.
*Bugger*
…Parlay?
Re: *Bugger*
Parsley?
Re: *Bugger*
Parsnip?
Re: *Bugger*
Parchesi!
Now this here’s an idea what’s day’s come! Pyrates ‘n Lit’ry Agents go t’gether like a skull ‘n crossbones.
Why is the rum always gone?
with a client list as scurvy an’ salty as you’rn, ye need ta ask this?
Arrr! I’m with ya, matey! We’s definitely be a scurvy rum-drinkin’ lot.
P.S. We’s be drinkin’ all th’ wine, too…
Arr, ye scurvy beasts! Keep yer paws of the single malt Scotch–that be mine!
Because no one talks Pirate like the Dread Pirate Roberts
“First things first, to the death.”
“No. To the pain.”
“I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase.”
“I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.”
“That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.”
“It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.”
“And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don’t intend to duplicate tonight.”
“I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.”
“And then my ears, I understand, let’s get on with it.”
“WRONG. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, ‘Dear God, what is that thing,‘ will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.”
“I think your bluffing.”
“It’s possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again… perhaps I have the strength after all. ” *slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince* “Drop. Your. Sword.”
*sword clatters to the ground*
Arr, me cap’n! I’se got one for the sharks:
Been eyein’ t’fix meself with a bit o’ good fortune by chartin’ a way through t’ an agent representin’ my latest haul o’ treasure: a dahk-fantasy YA series, which I’m after makin’ into a formal-like proposal. Whilst I be hackin’ away at the completed Book #1, I ain’t yet found any map or scallywag’s site what shows how t’do a series proposal proper!
Knowin’ there’s never a quick way t’dissect how a body might’s make up such a thing, (save a sword through the gullet, but that seems sumwhat hasty), thar be mateys on the S.S.CBWI and the Blue Board flagship, Verla Kay’s, that know some ’bout NF proposals, but not for Fiction (esp. spec’fic).
D’ya have any gold t’throw this way? I’d be mighty honored for a share o’ dubloons!
Surely surly yours,
A Pirate’s Plea
Can ye be tellin’ me about submittin’ from over the vast seas? The US, ’tis nearly an unknown country for me, and settin’ my book in it is a dangerous endeavour. Will a brave agent or publisher take a book set in the frozen north or the jewelled cities of Down Under?
A true pirate knows no home but the open seas and calls no port foreign. Landlubbers might not be so adventurous but there are always those that know not they thirst for somethin’ new. If an exotic locale be your strength, play to it.
Me icon says it all, matey.
Yar! ’tis a good day to be talkin like a pirate!
You Are a Pirate
(Arr; it be a YouTube video, matey.)
Arrrr, Lady Manners, a question for ye
Does it annoy, does it help, to mention your work may be similar in genre only, to a client you currently represent?
remember, no cat ever gave no human a straight answer, ha har…
Avast, ye lover of the Written Word! It’s nigh time ye spilt yer advice about the inclusion of the map!
Me tale is a foolhardy fantasy. It unfolds across a world quite differ’nt from the one me unpatched eye witnesses when the moon strokes the wave tops. Alas! Like most tales of the fantastical, methinks the map is truly important to its first readin’.
“Prey” tell us land lubbers if it’s acceptable to include the parchment with the “X” upon it when the tale is told!
If ye wish to show off yer artistic skills in the fine art o’ cartography, there be no harm in including said map (but sure an’ I’ve seen a fair number that did not enhance the package). Be sure to be rememberin’ that ’tis the story that will win ye treasures and infamy.